(Content note: Spoilers and animated gifs)
It’s been a rough week. While I’m ecstatic over how well the Kickstarter for Uncanny: A Magazine of Science Fiction and Fantasy is going, we had an unexpected kitty illness that is sadly not going so well. Short version: Husbeast and I adopted a pair of six-month-old feral kitty siblings in late 2005 who we love like family, and it looks like Girl-Kitty may have stomach cancer (which is also affecting her kidneys). It’s been a stressful week trips to the vet and the veterinary specialist for X-rays, blood tests, ultrasounds and biopsies, the latter of which we won’t have results for until Monday earliest.
I’m one of those people who stresses out more when there’s nothing that I can do to fix a problem and patience is not one of my strong suits. So I’ve been indulging in any kind of mindless distraction to keep me from fretting.
And Sharknado 2: The Second One definitely qualifies as mindless distraction.
So I live-tweeted the whole thing. Which isn’t something I’ve done much of, but this movie was so terribly, awfully, wonderfully cheeztastic that it was like the snark wrote itself. I’m a sucker for purposefully-bad movies and Sharknado 2 made no apologies for it’s not even B-grade level production. It fully embraced them and frankly any Sharknado 2 drinking game should involve taking 2 drinks for every pop culture/nerdy movie reference made, because the film was littered with them (particularly the credits sequence – which kind of makes me wonder if Ian Ziering wasn’t a little bit bitter he wasn’t in The Avengers).
Also, it was completely and utterly worth it just for this scene:
Vivica Fox with a sword slicing sharks. What’s not to love?
If you haven’t seen the movie yet and want to avoid spoilers, best stop here. If you don’t mind spoilers (or want to judge from my tweets if it’s worth watching at all), here are the tweets.
“It’s happening again.” This is going to be so deliciously bad. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Called it! Shark flew into the plane engine! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Body count: Flight attendant, both pilots & passengers. Ian Zering flies the plane! Celeb cameo #1: Wil Wheaton #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Tara Reid lost a hand! They’re not even bothering with a set up, are they? #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
“Not again.” Oh yes. Again. *munches more popcorn* #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Wait – Flight Attendant turned sharkfood was Kelly Osbourne? HA! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Guess Tara Reid’s being sidelined this time around. Darn. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
“Since when are there sharks in Manhattan?” THIS. IS. SHARKNADO! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
“So what does the inside of a shark smell like?” Not chicken, says Ian Ziering. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
That’s not rain delaying the Mets game. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
So apparently the first choice of weapons to fight sharks are baseball bats. This will turn out well. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Let’s pack everyone on the subway during a massive shark-infested storm. GREAT IDEA! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Wait. This is #Sharknado2TheSecondOne – why did the subway workers just get eaten by a giant crocodile??
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
OMG, Jared the Subway Guy? Eating a sub? REALLY?? #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
“Don’t mess with a Mets fan on the seven train.” Unless you’re a SHARK! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Apparently there will be more alligators in #Sharknado2TheSecondOne – take 2 drinks every time they eat someone. http://t.co/aQcAIvLn4u — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Sadly, there were no further appearances of sewer alligators, nor any shark vs. alligator scenes. Apparently they didn’t want to sacrifice any annoying Matt Lauer and Al Roker scenes. You chose poorly, SyFy.
“I gotta get a chainsaw.” “Chainsaw?? There are no chainsaws in Manhattan!” #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Oh please tell me the Repent Sinners dude gets eaten. Yup, he does. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
It’s not a disaster movie in NYC unless the Statue of Liberty head goes flying & crushes someone. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
So are Matt Lauer and Al Roker going to get eaten? PLEASE? #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
“This is a twister with teeth.” GROAN. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Lighter fluid filled super-soaker? NOW we’re talking! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Regrettably, this genius idea went nowhere and we got zero scenes showing how badly shooting lighter-fluid-filled supersoakers would go for our sharkbait-er, intrepid heroes.
Of COURSE there’s an armory in Times Square. Ian Ziering now has a sword. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
“These sharks could be coming down at 2in/hour” Pretty sure the measurement for rain doesn’t translate to shark. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
“For luck.” Did… they just Princess Leia/Luke Skywalker that scene?? #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Yes, they did. DRINK!
Aw man, there went the cab driver. Course he was a goner the second the roads flooded. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
SHARK-HOPPING? REALLY?? #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Uh oh. Vivica Fox just had an honest, heart-to-heart w/Ziering. This doesn’t bode well for her. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Bike-shares. For when you really need to out-run #Sharknado2TheSecondOne.
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
They even found a way to have plankton-eating whale sharks kill characters: SPLAT! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
And a random octopus just went kersplat! onto the window. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Does anyone even CARE what Lauer & Roker are talking about? Get back to the sharks. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Movie Sequel logic: What worked the first time won’t do shit the 2nd time around. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Vivica Fox w/the shark-slashing sword FTW! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
“Even the tornados are tougher in NY!” Well DUH. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Death by flaming shark! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Shark-infested water below me, flaming sharks above, here I am, stuck in the middle with you. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
There’s still more than 20min left in this movie. How is that possible? #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Tara Reid to the rescue with a fire truck. That’s it. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne has officially jumped the shark.
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Well clearly NYC emergency services are on the ball more than LA in this movie. They’re actually doing something. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Since blowing up the tornadoes didn’t work, of course what’ll work is FREEZING them. That makes total sense. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Why do they keep using rain measurements to describe the rate of sharkfall?? IT MAKES NO SENSE. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Aw, Ziering got a chainsaw (they had to go to Jersey for it) and is giving his Heroic Speech! We’re doomed. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
REVERSE CHAINSAW SHARK SLICING! AW YEAH! Only in NYC apparently. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Ziering’s chainsaw won’t work, who will save him? TARA REID & HER CIRCULAR SAW HAND! #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Evil Dead reference. DRINK! Also, Tara Reid is NO Bruce Campbell. Not even close.
10min left. Will Vivica Fox survive #Sharknado2TheSecondOne ?? — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
If you think the answer is “Yes” I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you.
Wait – are they making Vivica pull a River Song?? REALLY?? #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Indeed they did. And then she got eaten by a shark. Sigh. DRINK!
Ziering’s been blown into the tornado. Will he survive?? #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Unfortunately yes. I’m bitter Ziering didn’t get chomped so further sequels would star Fox instead.
The things NYCers keep inn their car trunks incl machetes, machine guns and giant shovels, apparently. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Kelly Ripa just stomped a shark’s head with her spiky heels. O_O #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Aw, Lauer and Roker killed a shark, not the other way around. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Is Ziering really gonna ride that shark all the way down – yep. It got speared onto the Empire State Bldg. #SMDH. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Is Ziering really gonna ride that shark all the way down – yep. It got speared onto the Empire State Bldg. #SMDH. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Proposing with a ring off the severed hand of a shark meal? Way to be classy, Ziering. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
How many movies did #Sharknado2TheSecondOne crib from anyway?? That final scene had Avengers post-credits written all over it.
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Wait – the hand that Ziering took that ring from was TARA REID’S OWN SEVERED HAND! Not enough booze for this. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne — Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
Well done #Sharknado2TheSecondOne – you were even more ludicrous than the original & I was woefully unprepared w/o enough booze.
— Michi Trota (@GeekMelange) July 31, 2014
I’ll say this for SyFy – they’ve fully-embraced the “so bad it’s good” aesthetic and if that’s your kind of thing, Sharknado 2: The Second One is definitely for you. And if you thought that was bad, look at what SyFy’s got playing this weekend:
Yes, that’s Conan O’Brien.
The only reason I’m not watching this live is because we’re seeing Guardians of the Galaxy and splurging on the VIP 21+ theater. But I’ve got the TiVo set to record Sharktopus vs Pteracuda (I can’t believe I just typed that) so I very well may live-tweet that, too.
When I look for mindless distractions, I do not mess around.